How to Do Sexting Safely | How to Start Sexting Smoothly
At a Glance: Sexting is a prime example of how technology has indeed revolutionised sexuality. Adding a new taste to sex life, it allows people to express themselves sexually, explore fantasies, and connect intimately across distances. However, it's essential to navigate this terrain responsibly, respecting boundaries, privacy, and consent. With the right approach, sexting can enhance relationships and empower individuals to explore their desires safely.
Reviewed by Internal Psychologist and General Physician
Table of Contents
What is sexting?
How to do sexting?
Dos and Don'ts of sexting
Positive and Negative impacts of sexting
Conclusion
FAQs
References
What is Sexting?
Sexting is a way of experiencing eroticism with dirty talk via text messages.
It also involves sending photos or videos of oneself that can trigger sexual arousal in the receiver.
Sexting is also a form of foreplay as it's one of the ways to build anticipation, create intimacy, and set the mood for further physical interactions.
If you're exploring intimacy through fantasy and play, you may also enjoy reading our blog on 10 Foreplay Tips for Better Sex.
Understanding Sexting
Sexting can be so much fun that it is the eroticism in itself that people enjoy without really having to be physical, especially when done smoothly with the right sexting partner.
The thrill, excitement, and sexual ecstasy you derive from indulging in dirty talk and fantasising about sex and sexual activities with your partner can be addictive.
However, in the blink of an eye, this ecstasy can turn into fear, worry, and trouble if you are not careful about sexting risks and sexting safety.
It can have legal and social implications, so it's important to approach it responsibly and with consent.
Consent is the backbone of every sexual interaction — online or offline. For a deeper view, read our blog on What Does Sexual Consent Look Like?
How to Start Sexting: Should Be Fun, Safe & Empowering
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How to do Sexting: 9 Practical Ways to Get Started
To save yourself from awkwardness and embarrassment, but still attain the benefits of sexting, here are a few tips for you.
1. Subtle beginning:
Start with something subtle, keep it light, gauge the other person's interest, and escalate gradually if they reciprocate.
2. Be mindful of the timing:
If you want to sext your partner, make sure they are available.
For example, you don't want to be sexting them when they are with family or stuck in a stressful office meeting, etc.
3. Ask for consent:
Talking about timing and asking for consent can help you gauge whether your partner and sexting partner are in the mood.
4. Talk about the night last time:
A great way to initiate sexting and how to start sexting is to begin by talking about the quality time you spent together and the last time you were physically present together.
If you are newly dating, you can mention to them how sexy they looked and how hard it was not to think about getting physical with them.
5. Use emojis and GIFs
One of the ways to initiate sexting is by sending emojis. For example, brinjal and banana can indicate a penis, while a peach can indicate the sexy butt of a woman.
6. Ask questions:
Asking questions such as, "What would you do if we were locked up in a room together for a night?" helps explore their erotic fantasies naturally.
7. Compliment your partner:
We all love compliments from our partners. Complimenting your partner can boost confidence and spark excitement and anticipation.
For example, “I cannot stop thinking about those sexy lips of yours”, which can instantly ignite arousal.
8. Use voice notes:
Sometimes, there is nothing sexier and more arousing than hearing the voice of your horned-up partner.
9. Avoid being technical:
Rather than using medical terms, using slang can be extremely exciting and makes sext sexting feel more natural.
Dos and Don'ts of Sexting - Confidently Start Sexting
Here are some dos and don'ts for sexting:
Dos:
Always ensure that both parties are willing participants.
Use only secure messaging apps or platforms to protect your privacy.
For safety reasons, while sending photos and videos, make sure the face is not visible, and any items or objects that can be associated with you should be removed from the background so that they are not visible.
Double-check photos and video before sending. It ensures that only the intended content is shared, protecting privacy by removing identifying details.
Communicate your boundaries, preferences, and ground rules to avoid disappointments and misunderstandings.
Treat the other person with respect and kindness. For safety's sake, save the received films and pictures securely and remove them after use.
Have fun and be creative with your messages.
Don'ts:
Never pressure someone into sexting or engage in unwanted sexting if they're not comfortable.
Avoid taking screenshots of sexts without consent.
Don't share sexts with anyone else without permission.
Don't assume consent based on past interactions.
Avoid sending explicit content to someone without knowing their boundaries.
If you notice that sexting is turning into compulsive sexual behaviour or affecting your relationships, reading our blog on Signs of Porn Addiction and How to Get Help can be useful.
Positive and Negative Impact of Sexting
Positive impacts of sexting can include:
Enhanced Intimacy: Sexting can deepen emotional connections and intimacy between partners, especially when they're physically apart. It allows them to express desires and fantasies in a way that fosters closeness.
Improved Communication: Sexting encourages open communication about desires, boundaries, and preferences, which can lead to a better understanding of each other's needs and deepen the relationship.
Exploration of Fantasies: Sexting provides a safe space for partners to explore fantasies and experiment with new ideas in a non-judgmental environment.
Increased Sexual Satisfaction: For some individuals, sexting can lead to heightened arousal and anticipation, ultimately enhancing sexual satisfaction when they are together physically.
Boosted Confidence: Positive feedback and validation received through sexting can boost self-esteem and confidence in one's sexuality and desirability.
Spicing Up Routine: Sexting can add excitement and novelty to a relationship, breaking up monotony and routine by introducing playful and erotic elements.
Negative impacts of sexting can include:
Privacy Risks: Sexts, especially during anonymous sexting, can be easily shared or leaked, leading to embarrassment, harassment, or even blackmail.
Legal Consequences: In some jurisdictions, sharing explicit images of minors (even if consensually sent) can lead to legal repercussions, such as charges of child pornography.
Relationship Strain: Miscommunication, jealousy, or breach of trust can occur if sexts are misunderstood, shared without consent, or if one party feels pressured into sexting.
Emotional Distress: Sexting gone wrong, such as rejection or ridicule, can lead to emotional distress, low self-esteem, or anxiety, particularly in younger individuals.
Personality Traits: Be cautious of certain personality traits, such as impulsive behaviour, phone addiction, sensation seeking, etc., as they can increase the risk of engaging in sexting behaviour without considering the potential consequences.
Cyberbullying: Sexts shared without consent can be used as a form of cyberbullying, leading to humiliation, social isolation, or even depression.
Professional Consequences: Inappropriate sexting between colleagues or with someone in a professional setting can lead to disciplinary action, damage to reputation, or even job loss.
Exploitation: In cases of coercion or manipulation, sexting can be used as a tool for exploitation or abuse, particularly in situations where power dynamics are unequal.
Conclusion
When done right, sexting with the right person can be a fulfilling experience.
Sexting brings partners closer, helping them to get to know each other more and build trust between them.
It is one of the gifts of technology, which has positive aspects, and certainly, those interested should explore it if they so desire.
However, it's important for individuals to be aware of sexting risks and to practice sexting safety by ensuring consent, privacy, and trust between all parties involved.
It's necessary to prioritise one’s safety, as when privacy is infringed upon, it can be deeply traumatising for some.
Seeking professional help in such cases is recommended for a good recovery.
If sexting anxiety, shame, or relationship stress is affecting you, consider a confidential Sexologist Online Consultation or structured help via Sex Addiction Treatment Therapy.
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FAQs
How to send sexy voice notes and videos?
Confidence is attractive. Embrace your sensuality. Set the mood by creating a sexy atmosphere with flirtatious messages beforehand. Begin with suggestive messages before escalating to voice notes and videos.
What to do when you don't know what to say but don't want to stop?
If words fail you, sometimes a well-placed emoji can convey your feelings effectively. Also, some of the ways you can keep the momentum are by asking questions about their fantasies and desires, recalling past experiences, and telling your partner what you are feeling and what you want to do to them.
Whom to approach if your privacy has been infringed upon when sexting?
Depending on the severity of the situation, you can approach law enforcement, legal counsel, online platforms, support organizations, and trusted friends or family. It's essential to prioritize your safety and well-being when dealing with privacy infringements. Consider seeking professional help if you're struggling to cope with the aftermath of the incident.
Can I sext with someone whom I have only recently started knowing?
While sexting can be fun, sexting with someone you've only recently started knowing can be risky due to the potential for misunderstandings, breach of trust, or unintended consequences. Only if the person consents, then yes.
References
- WebMD. What Is Sexting? (2023). Available at: https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-sexting. (Accessed on 10/05/2024).
The CUT. How to Sext: The Ultimate Guide to Sexting (2024). Available at: https://www.thecut.com/article/sexting-how-to-ultimate-guide.html (Accessed on 10/05/2024).
Women’s Health. The 65 Best Sexting Examples to Help You Nail Dirty Talk on Every Occasion. (2023). Available at: https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a19983848/sexting-dos-and-donts/ (Accessed on 11/05/2024).
COSMOPOLITAN, (2024) Allow These 60 Hot Sexting Ideas to Seriously Upgrade Your Sext Life. (2024). Available at: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a52121/sexting-messages-tips/ (Accessed on 12/05/2024).
Mashable India. How to Sext Better - Sexting can be fun and downright hot if done right (2021). Available at: https://in.mashable.com/life/25770/how-to-sext-better. (Accessed on 13/05/2024).
