Introduction

Romantic and sexual relationships come in all shapes and sizes. But healthy relationships share a few things: they are built on a strong foundation of mutual respect, clear boundaries, and the importance of consent.

If you are just starting to date or have just begun a romantic or sexual relationship, conversations regarding consent are incredibly important.

In this blog, we will discuss what sexual consent is, how it plays out in real life, its importance, what is the age of consent, and more.

Understanding Sexual Consent

Sexual consent is an agreement between participants to willingly and enthusiastically engage in sexual activity. It should be a continuous process of talking about limits and what you are comfortable with.

It entails being aware of what someone (your partner, boyfriend, or girlfriend) is saying, as well as their body language and facial expressions.

Having sex isn't the only aspect of sexual consent. Consent is required in all intimate interactions; from the first time you ask to hold someone’s hand to a hug or a kiss.

Consent is crucial for all types of sexual activity, including that which occurs online. It is unacceptable for anyone to send sexual messages or pictures without their explicit consent.

Everyone deserves to have full control over their own body and personal boundaries.

5 Pillars of Sexual Consent

Sexual consent should be:

Revocable

You have the power to withdraw it at any time, and you always have the right to change your mind, even after giving consent.

For instance, consenting to a kiss does not provide the other person the right to undress you. The fact that you have had sex with someone does not grant them consent to do so with you again in the future.

Before participating in any sexual activity, it's critical to set boundaries and expectations with your partner.

Conscious

Consent must be given by people who are fully conscious and capable of giving verbal consent, excluding those under the influence of drugs, who are asleep, or who are unresponsive, as they cannot give consent under the law.

Consent cannot be freely provided when there are unequal power dynamics present, for as when engaging in sexual behavior with a student or an employee.

When someone agrees to a sexual activity under such circumstances, it is important to recognize that their consent was not genuine.

Remember, true consent comes from a place of empowerment and autonomy.

Enthusiastic

To be valid, consent must be voluntarily and freely given without any sort of coercion or force. Simply put, enthusiastic consent is the search for a 'yes' rather than the absence of a 'no'.

A smile, maintaining eye contact, and nodding are examples of positive body language that can be used to convey enthusiastic consent.

These expressions alone may not indicate consent, but they are supplementary information that might.

Verbal

It is best to be stated verbally and should be sought by positive statements rather than relying solely on the absence of a 'no'.

It is important to keep in mind that you have the power to express your lack of consent through various means, including non-verbal cues and gestures.

Ongoing

The key to consent is to constantly check in with your partner to make sure that everyone is still on the same page.

Age of Consent in India

The age of consent is the age at which someone can consent to any kind of sexual contact.

In India, the age of consent is 18. This means that when a girl is under the age of 18, any consent she gives is not taken to be valid.

This law has been enacted to protect minors.

Why is Sexual Consent Important?

Consent is not just a legal requirement; it is the basis of healthy and respectful sexual relationships.

Practicing consent is important because:

It prevents harm: Seeking consent protects people from unwanted sexual encounters, which can be emotionally and psychologically damaging.

It promotes trust and intimacy: Open communication and the mutual respect that comes with consent enable partners to develop trust and intimacy, which results in more satisfying and pleasurable sexual relationships.

Encourages enjoyable experiences: When both people are comfortable, safe, and valued, sexual interactions are more pleasant.

Asking for Someone Else's Consent

Asking for consent is simple—just do it! And the other person can decide whether or not to agree.

You must also pay attention to someone's body language and tone of voice, as with all agreements and conversations.

You don't have consent if their tone of voice, facial expressions, or body language—such as shrugging, crossing your arms, or avoiding kisses—does not match their answer.

Always remember that consent must be enthusiastic.

You may use phrases like, "Are you okay with this?" or "Do you want to continue?" to show respect for their autonomy and give them the chance to freely express their desires.

You can periodically check in with your partner, such as asking "Is this still okay?" or letting them know that you can stop anytime.

What to do When You Don't Get Consent?

Everyone has their boundaries and limits. If someone does not give their consent, it is not your place to force or manipulate them into changing their mind.

They must feel safe and respected. And you have to make sure you don't break any laws.

If they express discomfort or ask you to stop, you must immediately halt any activity and discuss their feelings.

How to Give Someone Your Consent?

Just as it's important to know how to get someone else's consent, it's important that you also understand how to give consent to someone.

Giving your consent could sound like

• "I enjoy that; please continue."
• "I'm open to trying."- when you are approving certain activities.
• "Feel free to touch me here."
• You can also use physical clues to let the other person know you're comfortable moving things along.

Not giving your consent to sexual contact may sound like

• "I'm not comfortable with this."
• "I need more time before we go further."
• "I'd like to stop."
• "I've changed my mind; let's not do this."

Note: An erection, lubrication, arousal, or orgasm are physiological reactions that occur involuntarily, which means that even if you are not agreeing to the activity, your body may still respond in a certain way. At times, sexual offenders might exploit these reactions to keep their actions hidden or downplay a survivor's ordeal with statements like, "You know you enjoyed it." This natural reaction does not imply that you approved of what was taking place. It is not your fault if you were subjected to sexual assault or abuse.

How to Address Consent Violation?

In case you feel your consent is violated, remember that consent violation is never your fault. No matter the circumstances, you have the right to assert your boundaries.

Speak up and put a stop to the act if you can. In cases of sexual harassment in public spaces, consider drawing attention to the situation.

If you cannot immediately stop the harassment, move to a safe location as soon as possible. Prioritize your well-being and safety.

Take note of all relevant details about the incident, including the time, location, and frequency (if it's happened before), and a description of the person involved. If there were witnesses, try to get their information.

In cases of sexual assault, it's crucial not to bathe or wash your clothes, as this can remove vital evidence. Seek immediate medical examination to document injuries or evidence.

Ideally, report the incident to the police as soon as possible, enabling faster action evidence preservation. However, delayed reports are accepted, considering the trauma and stigma.

While not mandatory, it's advisable to file a police complaint in the jurisdiction where the crime occurred. Someone can file on your behalf if necessary.

In India, for any issue related to violence, or sexual assault against women, 24x7 Women Helpline 181 or National Commission for Women Helpline 7827-170-170 can be contacted.

To summarize, this is what consent looks like

• It respects and acknowledges a clear "no."
  
• It thrives on engagement, responsiveness, and emotional connection.
• It doesn't make judgments about how people dress, flirt, or show affection.
• It follows the law about age and not being drunk.
• It doesn't use fear or intimidation but seeks enthusiastic agreement.
• It refrains from assuming past experiences imply current consent.

FAQs

What is sexual consent?

Sexual consent is a voluntary, clear, and enthusiastic agreement between all parties involved in a sexual activity. It's a fundamental component of healthy and respectful sexual interactions. When your partner forces you to have sex, it may be an indication of an unsafe or unhealthy relationship.

What if I feel pressured to give consent?

Consent must be freely given. If you ever feel pressured or coerced, it's not true consent. You have the right to say no without consequences.

What's the difference between consent and the legal age of consent?

The legal age of consent refers to the age at which a person can legally engage in sexual activities. Consent, however, relates to the willingness and agreement of those involved, which can vary based on jurisdiction and the specific situation.

How can I ensure I have consent?

Always ask for and receive clear, affirmative consent before engaging in sexual activity. Maintain open and honest communication with your partner.

What resources are available for survivors of sexual assault?

Numerous support organizations, hotlines, and counselors are available to help survivors of non-consensual acts. Seek professional help and support when needed.

Conclusion

Consent is all about open and honest communication, mutual enthusiasm, and a deep respect for each individual's boundaries and autonomy. Understanding what consent looks like and practicing it in all your interactions is essential for fostering healthy, enjoyable, and respectful relationships.

Consent is not just a one-time agreement but an ongoing process ensuring everyone feels safe, valued, and heard.

Disclaimer: This blog provides general information about consent but is not a substitute for legal or professional advice.