Table of Contents

• Introduction
• What Defines a Sexless Relationship?
• Causes for Sexless Marriages
• Impact of Sexless Marriages
• Ways to Bring Back Sexual Intimacy
• Conclusion
• FAQs
• References

Introduction

It is no secret that many couples after being in a relationship or being married for some time, start losing interest in sex, leading to a sexless marriage or relationship. 

While the factors for a sexless marriage may be many, it can be distressing for one or both partners.

Addressing a sexless marriage requires a holistic approach that considers physical, emotional, and relational factors. 

Both partners need to be committed to work through the issues together, seeking professional help when necessary, and maintaining open and compassionate communication.

What Defines a Sexless Relationship?

A sexless marriage or a relationship is where there is a lack of sex or sexual intimacy between the partners so much so that one or both partners are frustrated over it.

There isn't a yardstick to measure how much sex is considered less for it to be considered sexless. It can differ from couple to couple.

However, a sexual encounter between married couples or people in a long-term relationship that is less than 10 times a year is usually considered a sexless marriage or sexless relationship.

Causes of Sexless Marriages

There can be multiple causes for sexless marriages. Some of the causes include:

Pregnancy

Pregnancy can introduce challenges that may impact a couple's sexual activity.

This includes concerns about fetal safety, physical discomfort, hormonal changes affecting libido, and postpartum recovery.

All these factors can contribute to a decrease in sexual intimacy.

Busy Life

Busy life schedules where the partners do not have time for each other can hugely have an impact on their sex life.

Becoming Parents

Parenthood has its own set of challenges.

Balancing time constraints, changing priorities, and dealing with emotional and physical exhaustion can be tough for couples.

If these issues aren't addressed, they can gradually lead to a sexless marriage. 

Broken Trust

Trust is a foundational element of any relationship, and when it is compromised, it can create emotional and psychological barriers to physical intimacy.

Conflicts and Arguments

Persistent conflicts and arguments can contribute to a sexless marriage. They create emotional distancing and resentment.

When people are not emotionally connected and hold grudges for one another, physical intimacy can't flourish.

Being Attracted to Someone Else/Having Extra-Marital Affairs

Being attracted to someone new or engaging in an affair can diminish attraction towards a current partner.

This can lead to a decrease in seeking physical intimacy within the established relationship.

Mental Health Issues

Mental health conditions can sometimes lead to a decrease in sexual desire.

This can be caused by a variety of factors, including changes in mood, temperament, and overall well-being.

In some cases, this can negatively impact a marriage and contribute to a decline in sexual intimacy.

The couple may experience feelings of rejection, increased anxiety and depression, resentment and frustration leading to erosion of self-confidence.

It may also cause communication breakdowns and loss of emotional intimacy.

Physical Health Issues

Certain health conditions, like diabetes, endometriosis in women can decrease libido.

When there is no sexual desire, it can be hard to get involved in sexual activities. 

Impact of Sexless Marriages

Sexless marriages can have many negative impacts on the relationship.

They include:

Decreased relationship satisfaction: The lack of sexual intimacy can lead to an overall decline in relationship satisfaction. Physical closeness often reinforces emotional bonds, and its absence might cause partners to feel less connected and satisfied in their relationship. 

Impact on parenting and family dynamics: In marriages with children, the lack of intimacy can spill over into parenting roles, potentially creating tension and affecting the overall family environment.

Resentment and blame: Persistent sexual dissatisfaction can lead to a build-up of resentment and blame towards each other, which can erode the foundation of the relationship and make reconciliation more difficult.

Attachment Issues: For some, the lack of physical intimacy can disrupt their attachment style, leading to insecurity or anxiety about their partner's affection and commitment.

Ways to Save Sexless Marriage

​Besides its physical benefits, many couples see sex as an expression of a healthy relationship.

Ways to revive sexless marriage include:

Communication

Communication is the key. Open and honest communication is essential to rebuild intimacy. Partners should share their needs and encourage each other to express what's hindering intimacy.

Engaging in honest, heartfelt conversations allow partners to share their thoughts, dreams, fears, and experiences. This deepens understanding and strengthens emotional bonds.

Sharing personal struggles, insecurities, or past experiences fosters a sense of trust and closeness.

Make time for each other

Quality time strengthens relationships. As we age, our responsibilities increase, life gets busier and we may not have time for our partner. Remember the connection built through long conversations, phone calls, and cuddling.

Start dating

Reignite the spark by dressing up for each other and going on dates, just like in the beginning. Remind your partner of the romantic side that still exists.

Plan ahead

Build anticipation and excitement by planning date nights or cozy evenings together. The anticipation can naturally lead to increased arousal and feelings for each other.

Make them miss you

Sometimes, a short break can be beneficial. Constant togetherness can lead to taking things for granted. A little healthy mystery can reignite the spark.

Exploring alternative forms of intimacy

Finding non-sexual ways to express affection and maintaining a strong emotional bond can be beneficial. 

Thoughtful gestures

Doing something kind for your partner, like preparing their favourite meal, running an errand, or taking care of a task they dislike, shows care and appreciation.

Supporting each other

Being there for each other during stressful times, providing emotional support, or helping with challenges strengthens the relationship and shows deep commitment.

Consulting a Sex Therapist

Reviving intimacy can be challenging and may require professional help.

Sex therapists can help identify the problem and create a plan to strengthen your relationship. Many couples have found success with experienced professionals.

Conclusion

The biggest stumbling block in a sexless marriage is the failure to communicate, among other factors.

Often couples simply become silent about their sex lives and sexual intimacy and desires to one another. Over time, it becomes awkward to initiate anything that is even slightly intimate to one another e.g. holding hands.

Breaking the ice is a major step to bring back the romance, intimacy, and spark that once existed between the two.

If expressing needs to a partner is difficult, there's help available. Consulting a sex therapist can be productive for improving communication and creating a plan.

Sometimes, when things aren’t working out, it’s crucial to take a step back and consider taking a break or even parting ways.

This time apart can offer valuable insight and may strengthen the relationship if both partners choose to reunite later.

FAQs

What does a lack of intimacy do to a woman?

Intimacy in relationships, be it physical or emotional, is necessary for both mental health and physical health. Lack of intimacy can lead to problems like emotional distress, anxiety, body image issues, sexual frustration, lack of confidence, etc.

Is sex once a month considered a sexless marriage?

It depends on the partners involved to decide whether their marriage is a sexless marriage or not. Depending on the level of libido each partner experiences, once a month sex can be considered or not considered sexless. However, in general, less than 10 times sex a year can be considered sexless marriage.

Is there a difference between a sexless relationship and drought?

A sexless relationship is one where there is an extended period of absence of sex in the relationship while drought refers to the temporary absence of sex and sexual intimacy, between an otherwise sexually active couple, due to some circumstances.

Is sex important in a relationship?

For a happy, satisfying, and fulfilling relationship, sex is an important ingredient. It boosts emotional intimacy and connection between the couple. It is an expression of love and affection for one another.

Can a Marriage Survive Without Sexual Intimacy?

It depends on the partners involved. Some couples may find that sexual intimacy is not essential for their bonding or for their relationship to thrive. For example, when both partners have low libido by nature, sexual intimacy is no longer the main binding factor for them. Mutual respect, trust, and love for one another play a bigger role than physical intimacy in such relationships.

References

• Verywell Mind (2023). Sexless Marriage Reasons and Remedies. Available at https://www.verywellmind.com/sexless-marriages-2303254. (Accessed on 05/06/2024).
• Healthline (2020). Why You’re Having Less Sex with Your Partner — and How to Get Back Into It . Available at https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/sexless-marriage. (Accessed on 06/06/2024).
• Betterhelp (2024). Managing a Sexless Marriage. Available at https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/marriage/what-to-do-if-you-have-a-sexless-marriage/. (Accessed on 06/06/2024).
• BBC (2022). The millennials in sexless marriages. Available at https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20221019-the-millennials-in-sexless-marriages. (Accessed on 07/06/20240).
• NLM (2020). A National Longitudinal Study of Partnered Sex, Relationship Quality, and Mental Health Among Older Adults. Available at https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7489086/. (Accessed on 07/06/2024).