Table of Contents

• Introduction
• What Not To Say To Them
• How To Respond To Them
• Tips On How To Support Your Teenagers When They Come Out
• Frequently Asked Questions 
• Conclusion
• References

Introduction

Parent's response to a teenager coming out of their LGBTQ identity holds significance.

For LGBTQ children to thrive, it must be important to have a nurturing family environment and unwavering parental affection.

In a world that often fails to provide safe and inclusive environments for LGBTQ youth, cultivating a nurturing home environment can serve as a protective barrier against the persistent discrimination faced by many LGBTQ individuals.

It is normal for you to experience uncertainty regarding what to say and how to act when your teenager reveals their sexual orientation to you. 

Below are several steps that parents, guardians, and other individuals who care for LGBTQ children, teenagers, and young adults can implement to support them.

What Not to Say to Them

Here’s what you can do to support them when your teenager discloses their identity:

• Maintain composure, affection, and focus
• Ensure the conversation revolves around your child's emotions, not your anxieties or concerns.
• Avoid saying phrases like, "I had foreseen this outcome," as it shifts attention to you and undermines your child's journey of self-discovery.
• Honour and value your child's disclosure, refraining from dismissing it as attention-seeking behaviour or a phase.
• Acknowledge that your child's sense of self will evolve as they learn more about themselves, and support them through this process.

How to Respond to Them

• Consistently and unconditionally express love to your child, letting them know they are supported no matter what.
• Express gratitude to your teens for trusting you with their identity and show them affection.
• Recognize the privilege of being entrusted with your child's confidential information.
• Listen attentively and let them lead the conversation.
• Avoid making assumptions about your child's needs and ask questions instead.
• Engage in a conversation by asking how you can support them in feeling comfortable with their identity.

8 Tips on How to Support Your Teenagers When They Come Out

Below are some of the tips for parents of LGBTQ teens who come out:

1. Tell Them You Love Them

An important part of coming out for many adolescents who are LGBTQ is telling their parents.

Studies have shown that LGBTQ teens and young adults who have family support are happier and healthier as adults.

You don't have to know a lot about LGBTQ issues to show that you care. There's no right or wrong way to show love.

Be open and present. Say something like, "I'm here for you," even if you don't know what to say. A simple "I love you and will always be here for you" can mean a lot to a child.

2. Show Empathy While Listening

When it comes to parents and guardians of LGBTQ teens, they might not feel like they can talk about sexuality and gender identity because they are straight or typically gendered.

But parents can rest easy knowing that being supportive doesn't require any special skills or knowledge. All you need is a desire to listen with understanding.

Don't dismiss or downplay your child's feelings or experiences; instead, listen to what they have to say and validate them as real and important.

Also, don't use judgmental language, like saying that they are too young to understand what they are talking about or are choosing to act out.

You don't have to fully understand what a teenager is going through to show them that you believe them and see that their feelings are real.

What matters is that you try to understand how they feel.

3. Get Them Talking

You can't always count on your kids to start these conversations. If you want to talk about something, try being less frank.

Teenagers often find it hard to talk about themselves. Instead, talk about their friends or people you see when you watch movies or TV shows with them that are appropriate for their age, 

Parents can use today's media to teach their queer teens a lot of things. It might not seem as personal, but it's a chance to talk about tough topics in a less scary way.

If you want to start a talk about a movie with a bisexual character, you could say, "The character in this show is attracted to both boys and girls." I'm fine with that. What do you think?"

4. Be There For Your Queer Teens Even If They Change

If a teen "comes out" as LGBTQ, they may also change their name more than once.

As a young person figures out who they are, that's a normal part of the process. It doesn't mean that their gender or orientation should be ignored.

No matter how easy or difficult learning about your child's sexual orientation or gender identity is for you, it probably was difficult for them to come out to you.

You should be aware that your kids are where they are right now, no matter where they are. It doesn't matter if they change.

You should back them up right then and there. That support is more important than the identity itself.

5. Make Time And Space For Yourself To Understand How You're Feeling

When a teen tells their family they are gay or lesbian, the focus is usually on how they feel and what they have been through.

Still, it's normal for parents to feel a lot of different feelings at once.

Parents may feel like they've lost the future they thought their child would have, or they may worry about their child's safety because of the chance of being discriminated against. 

Parents of LGBTQ children may also face discrimination and stigma because of their child's gender, which can add to their stress.

When a young person comes out, the adults in their life need to deal with their feelings in a way that doesn't blame or put the responsibility for those feelings on the youth.

For example, they could be sad that they might not have any grandchildren. You might need to write in a journal or talk to a mental health worker to help you work through those tough feelings.

Whatever you are feeling as a parent is a real feeling, and it makes sense for you to be aware and deal with your feelings.

The important thing is to make sure it doesn't hurt the kid.

6. Be Aware Of Social Media

Most youths spend a lot of time on social media.

It's where they can be honest about their gender and sexuality and meet other teens who are going through the same problems and fears as them.

That being said, this can be helpful and good, but it can also be problematic.

Some people share inappropriate videos, pictures, and other things online, which is sad. Adults can meet kids on social media by being friendly or acting younger than they really are.

For these reasons, parents should talk to their kids about social media safety issues and keep an eye on their accounts to make sure they are following the right steps.

It's also important to have follow-up conversations and regular check-ins with teens to make sure that the kids are staying safe while they're online.

Also, parents should be ready to step in and handle things if they get out of hand or if issues arise with their kids' use of online platforms.

7. Ask For Help

People who help LGBTQ individuals, like parents and guardians, should also ask for help from their own networks.

They probably already know other parents who are going through the same thing.

Try to find groups that are supported by and have members who are LGBTQ rights activists to make sure you're getting good help.

Seek support for yourself and educate yourself about sexual orientation and gender.

Parents who are trying to figure out how they feel about their kids’s identity can benefit from both peer support and official mental health care.

Seek guidance from a counselor to navigate the coming process effectively and ensure the best support for your teenager.

8. Watch Out For Signs Of Being Bullied

Many kids have to deal with bullying, but LGBTQ youth are often picked on because they are different.

Talk to a teacher, guidance counselor, or school official if you notice any of these things:

• Behaviour change (for example, your normally friendly and open kid is now shy and quiet)
• Problems with discipline or behaviour at school
• Getting worse grades
• Absences for no reason
• Drug use or a new sexual partner that isn't typical for your teens puts them at risk

FAQs

What should parents do if their LGBTQ teenagers face bullying or discrimination?

Take the matter seriously, handle it quickly, and work with school officials to create a safe and inclusive atmosphere. Think about seeking help from LGBTQ organizations if necessary.

Are there any resources that can help parents better understand LGBTQ identities?

Yes, numerous books, internet resources, and LGBTQ organizations offer important information and help to parents who want to better understand and support their LGBTQ children.

How should parents respond if they are initially unable to accept their teenager's LGBTQ identity?

Allow yourself time to digest, gather information to educate yourself, and consider obtaining help from LGBTQ support organizations or counseling to better understand and embrace your teen.

What function does language have in helping LGBTQ youth?

Using inclusive and respectful language is essential. Educate yourself on suitable vocabulary and pronouns to demonstrate your awareness and support for your teen's identity.

What can parents do to help their LGBTQ teen's mental health?

Check-in on their well-being regularly, encourage open communication, and consider obtaining professional treatment if necessary. Affirming your teen's identity improves their mental health.

How can parents promote LGBTQ inclusion in their communities and schools?

Communicate with school administration, attend parent-teacher meetings, and advocate for LGBTQ-inclusive policies. Join local advocacy groups to help create a more inclusive community. 

Conclusion

You can be sure that your teenager is telling you the truth when they come out to you.

Recognizing that they are telling you something is a way for them to feel safe, connected, and like they belong with you.

Many LGBTQ people still face hatred and discrimination in the world. When you love and accept them for who they are, you help protect them from that.

You can help your teens connect with other people in the LGBTQ community in several ways. You as a parent can also find groups and other help to help you help your teen the most.

We suggest consulting a psychologist to navigate the coming-out process effectively and to offer the best support for your teenage

References

• Johns Hopkins Medicine. ‘Tips for Parents of LGBTQ Youth’ Available at https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/tips-for-parents-of-lgbtq-youth
• Healthline. (2023).’How to Support Your Child When They Come Out. Available at https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/how-to-support-your-child-when-they-come-out
• Child Mind Institute. (2023). ‘How to Support LGBTQ+ Children’. Available at https://childmind.org/article/how-to-support-lgbtq-children/
• Everyday Health. (2022).’8 Ways Parents Can Help LGBTQ+ Youth Take Care of Their Mental Health. Available at https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/ways-parents-can-help-lgbtq-youth-take-care-of-their-mental-health/