How to Deal With An Asexual Partner
At a Glance: When living with an asexual partner, it is important to be mindful, maintain open communication, and establish boundaries. Understand and embrace that being asexual is a valid part of their identity. Strengthen your bond, provide support to one another, and cultivate a loving and meaningful relationship.
Reviewed by Internal Psychologist and General Physician
Introduction
Individuals who are asexual have little to no sexual interest or desire. Things can get a little complicated if you date an asexual person, but you aren't. That does not imply that these relationships can never succeed.
Relationships of all kinds can succeed when partners choose to love one another in spite of their differences.
In this article, let us delve into the world of asexuality and discover how to create a fulfilling relationship with an asexual partner.
Buckle up and get ready for a rollercoaster ride of intimacy, understanding, and, of course, love!
Decoding Asexuality
Picture this: You come across someone who does not dance to the same beat as the rest of us when it comes to sexual attraction.
Welcome to the world of asexuality, where tempting hints of yearning go unnoticed. But hold your horses, my dear friends, because asexual people aren't broken puzzles in need of repair.
They're just being themselves, and we're here to celebrate that with open hearts and a smile or two.
Let's take a look at the rainbow-hued spectrum of asexuality. It's like opening a box of chocolates; you never know what delicious tastes you'll find.
Some people are pleased to be asexual, raising the flag of no sexual interest high and proud. Others are demisexual, only expressing their desires after developing strong emotional bonds.
Not to mention our endearing grey-asexual buddies, whose sexual proclivities periodically burst like a rare, magical creature sighting.
Remember that no two asexual journeys are alike. Each person's trip is a one-of-a-kind artwork, as varied and fascinating as a collection of interesting facts.
What about romance and relationships? Not to worry! Asexual hearts can flutter and skip beats like anyone else.
Some people participate in amorous acts for the emotional connection, the sheer enjoyment of it, or to meet the desires of their partner. Others may decide to cancel the entire sexual engagement spectacle.
Asexual individuals are capable of forming deep, loving connections without resorting to the language of physical intimacy.
5 Tips on How to Keep the Flame Alive in an Ace-Non-Ace Relationship
1. Recognize and Accept the Asexuality of Your Partner
​The first step in starting a relationship with an asexual partner is to acknowledge and accept their asexuality. They navigate the world in a way that goes beyond traditional conceptions of attraction, which is quite cool!
Remember that you can't change their orientation, just like you can't sprout wings and fly. The worst mistake you can make as a sexual partner is to try to change them or invalidate their experience.
The idea that aces have a problem is broken, or that their circumstances are caused by a mental, personal, or physical problem that they might overcome if they only worked is reinforced when this is done.
2. Communication is Key
Ah, communication, the cornerstone of any relationship! When it comes to an asexual partner, it is even more important to develop open and honest communication.
Sit down, talk things out, and examine each other's desires, boundaries, and objectives. You'll bridge the gap between your requirements and theirs with empathy and understanding.
Open communication is the glue that holds relationships together. Talk openly with your partner about your sexual needs, desires, and any concerns that may arise.
Find common ground where you both feel comfortable and fulfilled. Remember, it's a journey of discovery, and navigating it together will strengthen your bond.
3. Don't Take their Asexuality Personally
When you're in a relationship with an ace, you could begin to believe that you're to blame for your partner's lack of interest in you sexually. It's not.
You don't need to change anything about yourself, and there is nothing you can do to make your partner more attracted to you sexually.
It's not about you if they don't find you attractive or interested in having sex. It has nothing to do with your appearance, your clothing, or your identity. It also has nothing to do with how well you perform in bed.
The reason your partner is asexual is that they are. Nothing about that can be altered.
Consider assessing your fears about your partner not wanting sex with you or not being sexually attracted to you rather than taking their asexuality personally.
Your asexual partner can love and be with you without having any sexual attraction to you.
4. Never Insult or Pressure Them
Asexual people experience pressure from within or from their partners to conform to society's standards of what is “normal," since society believes that sex is an essential component of personal relationships and that it is beneficial as such.
These 'ideals' might put undue pressure on partners or encourage the crossing of sexual lines. Recognize that forcing your partner to have sex when they don't want to can make them leave you.
Any desire they may have had to have sex with you will be lost if you put pressure on them. Be patient, be secure in your relationship, and be willing to change with your partner. Soon enough, your lover will reply.
5. Encourage Honest Discussion About Sexual Needs and Boundaries
If you're in an ace-non-ace relationship, it's equally important to be honest about your sexual needs as it is to avoid putting pressure on your partner.
You can prevent a lot of misunderstandings and conflict if you and your date are upfront and honest with one another right away when you first start dating. Make sure you both feel comfortable with where you are in the relationship by discussing your sex life with your partner.
Discussing your sexual needs, your partner's boundaries, and what's working and what isn't in your relationship is crucial if you're a non-ace. Discuss the best ways to react when your partner shares their feelings, and be honest about whether your needs are being met.
Remember that dating an asexual person is a journey or a learning experience, and it would be wonderful if you went through it together.
FAQs
1. Can Asexuals Have Sexual Relations?
Anybody finds it difficult to imagine being with a person who isn't sexually attracted to them, yet pressuring them into having sex won't help your situation.
Some people who identify as asexual don't have any sexual attraction or desire at all. While some people find the notion of sex repulsive, others are indifferent to it.
Relationships might suffer if you force an uncomfortable asexual partner to have sex and it's also wrong!
You'll need to make a decision about whether you want to stay in such a relationship for the sake of your emotional health and that of your spouse. If so, you'll have to work together to determine how to satiate each other's desires.
2. How to Determine If You Are an Asexual?
Asexuality is determined through introspection and self-discovery. It is a valid sexual orientation that is defined by a lack of sexual attraction or a lack of interest in sexual engagement.
Consider whether you consistently lack sexual attraction to others or only occasionally experience sexual desire.
Engaging with asexuality networks, reading about the experiences of asexual people, and seeking support from friends can also help you navigate this identity.
3. What explains the Importance of Sexual Communication in Relationships?
You'll need to be open with your spouse about your sexual demands and how they can be addressed if you want to make this relationship work. You'll need to establish limits in the interim to make sure your partner never feels uncomfortable around you.
A relationship can still succeed even if you are not sexually compatible. Working with a relationship therapist and sexologist could provide you with the skills you need to maintain your relationship.
Conclusion
Having a relationship with an asexual partner requires empathy, communication, and understanding. By recognizing and validating your partner's asexuality as a valid aspect of their identity, you can have a loving connection that goes beyond societal norms.
Remember, love knows no boundaries, and in the realm of asexuality, you have the power to redefine the narrative and create a love story like no other.
Happy exploring!