Introduction

Every June 28th, people around the world raise the rainbow flag and take to the streets to celebrate Pride Day, raising awareness and showing support for the LGBTQ+ community.

It's a time for celebrating diversity, promoting inclusivity, and advocating for equal rights and acceptance for all individuals regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.

But being inclusive is more than what meets the eye. We need to unlearn and relearn new things for an inclusive society to flourish.

How to address a person from the LGBTQ+ community? Let's find out together.

What is a Gender Pronoun?

Simply put, pronouns are words that replace nouns in sentences when referring to something already known to the reader or listener.

Examples include she, he, it, they, we, her, him, and them.

But when we say gender pronouns, we are referring to those pronouns that people identify themselves with, when they are being referred to.

To foster an inclusive environment, using correct gender pronouns is important. It is the best way to say that one's gender identity is recognized and respected.

Some Gender Identity and Related Terms

Gender identity terms refer to the words people use to describe their own gender identity, which may differ from the sex they were assigned at birth.

Some common gender identity terms include:

Cis-gender: Cis-gender is when gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth. For example, a person who was assigned male at birth and identifies as a man would be considered cisgender.

Transgender: Transgender is an umbrella term used to describe individuals whose gender identity or expression differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. This could include people who identify as male, female, both, neither, or somewhere along the gender spectrum.

Genderqueer: Genderqueer, also known as non-binary, is a term used by individuals who identify outside of the binary gender system. It encompasses a wide range of identities that may include elements of both, neither, or something entirely different from the traditional categories of male and female. People who identify as genderqueer may experience their gender as fluid, meaning it can change over time, or as a fixed identity that doesn't fit within the binary.

Agender: People who identify as agender may feel a lack of connection to the concept of gender altogether, experiencing themselves as genderless or neutral. This can mean different things to different individuals, but generally, agender people reject the idea of being categorised as either male or female.

Gender fluidity: It refers to the concept of a person's gender identity shifting over time. Individuals who identify as gender fluid may experience different gender identities at different times, or they may feel that their gender identity exists along a spectrum rather than being fixed as strictly male or female. This fluidity can manifest in various ways, such as changes in self-expression, pronoun preferences, or feelings of gender identity.

Misgendering: Misgendering is when someone refers to someone else using language that doesn't align with the gender with which they identify. It can be unintentional or intentional and can be hurtful to the person being misgendered.

It's essential to respect individuals' chosen gender identities and use the terms they identify themselves with.

Gender Identity and Their Pronouns

Some gender pronouns we use to refer to people are as follows:

She, Her, Hers, and He, Him, His: These gender pronouns are the ones that have been often used when referring to cis-gender. However, their uses as pronouns are not limited to cis-gender. People are encouraged to avoid labeling them as female and male pronouns as not everyone who identifies as "she, her, hers" and "he, him, his" identify as female and male respectively.

They, Them, Theirs: These are gender-neutral pronouns that are often preferred by individuals who identify as non-binary, genderqueer, or genderfluid. Using these gender pronouns is a way to acknowledge and respect their gender identity and expression. And yes, they are being used to a singular person.

Ze, Hir: Gender-neutral pronouns such as Ze and hir can be used to replace she, he and they and her, him, his, them, and their respectively.

Only Name: Ditching all the pronouns, some people choose to use only their names. In place of all the pronouns, only their names would be used no matter how repeated it may sound.

Sharing Your Gender Pronouns

It is important to empower individuals to share their gender pronouns, as pronouns are deeply tied to one's identity.

And this is why we cannot assume someone else's gender pronouns based on their outward appearances. 

Assuming someone else's pronouns based on their outward appearance only reinforces stereotyping, marginalisation, and discrimination toward people who do not want to be recognized as such.

One of the best ways to do this is to openly share our own pronouns.

By openly sharing our pronouns, we foster an inclusive environment that motivates and respects each person's uniqueness and affirms their identity, thus encouraging others to open up. 

Embracing this practice encourages mutual understanding and makes everyone feel seen and respected for who they are.

How to Make Language More Inclusive?

Some of the ways we can make language and our daily conversations more inclusive are:

Use Gender-Neutral Language: Instead of defaulting to gender-specific terms like "he" or "she," use gender-neutral alternatives like "they" or "them."

Avoid Assumptions: Making assumptions about people's identities or experiences based on stereotypes is a big "NO" if we are striving for inclusive language. Use inclusive language that respects everyone's individuality.

Respect Pronouns: Always use the pronouns that individuals identify themselves with. When in doubt, ask for someone's pronouns rather than assuming.

Indicating Your Gender Pronouns: While introducing yourself, share your name along with your gender pronouns and also include your gender pronouns in your emails, social media profiles, invitation cards, etc. This sets a positive example and creates a norm of sharing pronouns.

Education: Incorporate information about gender pronouns and their importance into educational materials, employee handbooks, and other relevant documents.

Lead by Example: Regularly use your gender pronouns when referring to yourself, both in written and spoken communication, to demonstrate the importance of sharing pronouns.

Tips to Take Care of Mental Health

Non-recognition and invalidation can significantly impact mental health, leading to issues such as anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. 

Coping strategies include:

• Therapy and Counseling: Seeking therapy, particularly from professionals knowledgeable about gender diversity, can provide essential support and coping tools.
• Mindfulness and Relaxation: Practicing mindfulness, meditation, and other relaxation techniques to manage stress and maintain emotional balance.
• Self-Care Practices: Engaging in regular self-care routines that nurture physical, emotional, and mental well-being.

By implementing these strategies and normalising the inclusion of gender pronouns in everyday use, we can create a more welcoming and respectful environment for people of all gender identities.

Conclusion

Gender pronouns are about respecting individuals' identities. Using the correct pronouns is essential for acknowledging and validating someone's gender identity. It's a matter of inclusivity and respect for diversity.

Remember that when you are being misgendered and some people simply wouldn't accept you with the gender pronouns you identify yourself with, the problem is not you. 

We as individuals living in a society need to work together to make this society an inclusive and welcoming environment for everyone.

If ever you find yourself unheard, unseen and disrespected and find it hard to cope with these feelings, you are never alone.

You can always reach out to support groups and counselors with whom you can share your concerns.

Reach out for support here.

FAQs

What should I do when someone misgenders me?

When someone misgenders you, it's okay to calmly correct them. You can politely let them know the gender pronouns you identify yourself with.

If it's a repeated issue, you might consider having a private conversation with the person to explain the importance of using correct pronouns. Remember to prioritise your comfort and well-being in these situations.

What if you do not want to disclose your pronouns even if people are misgendering you?

If you prefer not to disclose your pronouns but still want to address being misgendered, you can simply correct the person without specifying your pronouns.

For example, you could say, "I prefer not to use pronouns, please just use my name," or ‘I'd appreciate it if you didn't assign pronouns to me." It's important to assert your boundaries while still being respectful in your communication.

What is the best way to identify a person when they are not willing to share their pronouns?

When someone is not willing to share their pronouns, the best approach is to respect their wishes and simply refer to them by their name whenever possible.

Using their name avoids the need for pronouns altogether and acknowledges their preference for privacy on this matter. If using their name feels awkward in certain sentences, you can rephrase the sentence to avoid pronouns entirely.

For example, instead of saying "She went to the store," you could say "Your friend went to the store." This approach respects the person's boundaries while still allowing for clear and respectful communication.

Is our society ready for these gender pronouns?

Our society is gradually becoming more aware and accepting of diverse gender identities and pronouns.

While there is still progress to be made, many people and institutions are actively working to create inclusive environments where individuals can express their gender identity authentically.

Education, advocacy, and open dialogue play crucial roles in fostering understanding and acceptance of gender diversity.

It's important to continue promoting respect for individuals' pronouns and creating spaces where everyone feels valued and affirmed regardless of their gender identity.

Why shouldn't you assume someone else's gender pronouns?

Assuming someone else's gender pronouns can be harmful because it overlooks their identity and can contribute to feelings of invalidation or dysphoria, especially for transgender and non-binary individuals.

Pronouns are a fundamental aspect of one's identity, and using the wrong ones can be hurtful and disrespectful. It's important to respect people's self-identification and use the pronouns they prefer.

By not assuming pronouns and instead asking or using gender-neutral language until you know someone's preferences, you show respect for their identity and create a more inclusive environment.

References

• Wamsley Laurel (2021). A Guide to Gender Identity Terms. npr.  Available at https://www.npr.org/2021/06/02/996319297/gender-identity-pronouns-expression-guide-lgbtq (Accessed on 24/04/2024.)
  
• LGBTQIA Resource Center. Pronouns and Inclusive Language. Available at lgbtqia.ucdavis.edu/educated/pronouns-inclusive-language. (Accessed on 24/04/2024.)
• SPRINGFIELD COLLEGE. Gender Pronouns. Available at https://springfield.edu/gender-pronouns. (Accessed on 26/04/2024.)
• The New School. Gender identity and pronouns. Available at https://www.newschool.edu/lgbtq/gender-identity-pronouns/ (Accessed on 26/04/2024.)
• Medically reviewed by Francis Kuehnle, MSN, RN-BC — By Veronica Zambon (2021). What to know about gender pronouns. Available at https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/gender-pronouns. (Accessed on 27/04/2024.)